mixed feelings

so many things going on i dont know what to do...

i was told yesterday that matthew got engaged and i am truly happy for him... in all honesty i just want him to be happy and i couldnt do that i couldnt bring myself to lie saying i loved him anymore when i didnt... i honestly care about him as a being and i dont want to see him hurt but i knew in my heart it wasnt ment to be

i am going to get a tattoo this weekend with Reggina that should be fun i just got to decide what i am getting somthing celtic but other then that i am not to shure

i wish i could be there for somone right now i read on his LJ that hes having a rough time but he will have nothing to do with me i am honestly sorry for what i did to him... i just wish that i could be a friend to him what i thought i always tryed so hard to be and in the end trying is what seemed to push him away

i seem to be messing up relationships left and right Vicky, Kenny, Diana, Matt, Levi... i love all of you so much but i keep pushing you away when i need you most... things are so hard at the moment i guess i just dont want to bring anyone down with me so i push you away so you guys cant see how bad things really are

all for now i cant think well to much of being awake not enough sleep